On the brink

Think positive, think positive, think positive…is what I keep telling myself even when my car is not drivable and have no money to fix it yet, and the reason for the lack of financial resources aims right at corporate who believe themselves to be so high and mighty, has actually mistakenly determined the wrong Friday for pay day.  Now I have no cell phone use because the service has been cut off and will have to get a prepaid phone in the mean time, so I still have communication with my friends and family.

Not to mention, my work load is heavy and constant.  I have to prove myself at both jobs and attempt to excel at everything, especially my new job.  Recently a comment was made about my lack of manager skills and it bothered me honestly because I feel like I have to fly from work to work with a big S on my chest.  I work hard, I multi-task, I have a lot of knowledge with this franchise, but I’m not perfect.  I am human, I am tired, my feet get sore, I get frustrated, there’s things I am still learning in my new position that have to be taken into account too.

So many positive things are coming my way.  I’m just on the brink.  I really am.  I will pay things off, get my own place, get my car fixed and back on the road, be able to afford to do things and not always be the “broke one” all the time.  Over the next five months, I am going to accomplish a lot, true there’s road blocks now and they will come again, as they often do, but I’ll be more prepared for them financially and will be able to resolve those type of problems much sooner.  Life is one hell of a ride but I just have to stay positive.  Inhale, exhale, back to focus.

The Great Wait

I have been thinking about someone in particular a lot lately, although I have been busier than ever right now.  You would think it would be easier to not have your mind on someone, at times perhaps, but soon enough “he” comes right back to mind.  Also “he” is a friend of mine with much much potential for more.  We live about two hours away from each other which is complicated but possible.  He is very busy and so am I right now and will be through the summer.  I guess we’re taking this very slow and see how it developes.  Everything is great between us but maybe it’s the distance or just timing right now that holds us back from the big “L” stage.  It’s somewhat torturing but more than anything, it’s exciting, awaiting a great thing in your life to build.  It feels like a Sleepless in Seatle/You’ve Got Mail/When Harry Meets Sally. A great story about two people who make a connection, and although nothing happens between them right away, the chemistry is obvious. They do end up together eventually as fate would have it.  So for me as much as I want this now, even more I want to be patient because good things come to those who wait for it.

This is what I need

It’s so funny when you live with parents (yes currently back at that stage again) who tell me I need to do this, I need to do that, make sure you this…when all I want is silence.  I know what I have to do I just lack a magic wand to create these wonders they speak of.  I’m now at a place in my life where I can take care of myself and will most definately be getting my own place over the summer.  I want my own place, my independence, my peace of mind, this is what I need.

Although it’s so funny now that I’m so busy, my mother calls me her “long lost daughter” but when I’m around longer than 30 minutes, they really seem to care less.  I will say right now I’m utterly exhausted from working and will never really get a day off unless it’s requested.  I won’t have much a social life but it’s something I have to sacrifice to get ahead and make some good changes in my life.  This is what I need.