Brick wall

Hello, it’s been awhile since my last blog and definately need to put a blog out with the current events of my life.  I am working many hours and dealing with staff that just doesn’t seem to cooperate in the manner I would like.  I like to have fun on the job and make it a comfortable atmosphere, but when it’s time to work, it’s time to work.  I think talking ’til I’m blue in the face with the staff is more exhausting in my work day, than the actual labor.  I am trying to stay in control before I lose my composure and just snap.

In addition to work’s frustrations, I thought the owner and I had an understanding on how the store was going to be ran, how to deal with the staff, and the kind of tone we wanted to set in the work place…what a waste of time that was!  Whether it’s the owner or the staff, I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall when attempting to explain my side of things. 

I do the best I can with my knowledge and my demeanor and that’s it, end of story.  I won’t let them walk all over me, but I’m not going to turn the store into a military camp either.  I’m just tired of only hearing the complaints and never anything positive.  For example, this person wants the hours but doesn’t want to work, this person doesn’t want to mop because they just swept, this person doesn’t understand this when I’ve explained it several times already…I’m done!  Some days are better than others but overall, I’m done!

On the brink

Think positive, think positive, think positive…is what I keep telling myself even when my car is not drivable and have no money to fix it yet, and the reason for the lack of financial resources aims right at corporate who believe themselves to be so high and mighty, has actually mistakenly determined the wrong Friday for pay day.  Now I have no cell phone use because the service has been cut off and will have to get a prepaid phone in the mean time, so I still have communication with my friends and family.

Not to mention, my work load is heavy and constant.  I have to prove myself at both jobs and attempt to excel at everything, especially my new job.  Recently a comment was made about my lack of manager skills and it bothered me honestly because I feel like I have to fly from work to work with a big S on my chest.  I work hard, I multi-task, I have a lot of knowledge with this franchise, but I’m not perfect.  I am human, I am tired, my feet get sore, I get frustrated, there’s things I am still learning in my new position that have to be taken into account too.

So many positive things are coming my way.  I’m just on the brink.  I really am.  I will pay things off, get my own place, get my car fixed and back on the road, be able to afford to do things and not always be the “broke one” all the time.  Over the next five months, I am going to accomplish a lot, true there’s road blocks now and they will come again, as they often do, but I’ll be more prepared for them financially and will be able to resolve those type of problems much sooner.  Life is one hell of a ride but I just have to stay positive.  Inhale, exhale, back to focus.

The Great Wait

I have been thinking about someone in particular a lot lately, although I have been busier than ever right now.  You would think it would be easier to not have your mind on someone, at times perhaps, but soon enough “he” comes right back to mind.  Also “he” is a friend of mine with much much potential for more.  We live about two hours away from each other which is complicated but possible.  He is very busy and so am I right now and will be through the summer.  I guess we’re taking this very slow and see how it developes.  Everything is great between us but maybe it’s the distance or just timing right now that holds us back from the big “L” stage.  It’s somewhat torturing but more than anything, it’s exciting, awaiting a great thing in your life to build.  It feels like a Sleepless in Seatle/You’ve Got Mail/When Harry Meets Sally. A great story about two people who make a connection, and although nothing happens between them right away, the chemistry is obvious. They do end up together eventually as fate would have it.  So for me as much as I want this now, even more I want to be patient because good things come to those who wait for it.

This is what I need

It’s so funny when you live with parents (yes currently back at that stage again) who tell me I need to do this, I need to do that, make sure you this…when all I want is silence.  I know what I have to do I just lack a magic wand to create these wonders they speak of.  I’m now at a place in my life where I can take care of myself and will most definately be getting my own place over the summer.  I want my own place, my independence, my peace of mind, this is what I need.

Although it’s so funny now that I’m so busy, my mother calls me her “long lost daughter” but when I’m around longer than 30 minutes, they really seem to care less.  I will say right now I’m utterly exhausted from working and will never really get a day off unless it’s requested.  I won’t have much a social life but it’s something I have to sacrifice to get ahead and make some good changes in my life.  This is what I need.

What’s yet to come…

Lately I have felt truly tested in every aspect of my life.  There’s a lot of things I want to take care of and don’t have the means for it.  I was hoping with Spring here and with all the flowers and plants blossoming that there is still hope for that “money tree” to pop up right in my own back yard.  It’s highly unlikely that one will be budding any time soon.  Although I might actually have a better chance of that happening over winning the mega millions.  I have to weigh my options here.

There has been a recent career opportunity that has finally come into play which definitely will change things around for me.  It’s going to take a few weeks for the extra income to start rolling in, but I have to stay positive or else my stress just will then literally break my system down.   It’s not pretty, believe me.  We all have our ups and downs and although I am currently in a down point, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

My last test and most recent of events, yes, it’s a guy who is unlike any other guy I’ve been associated with.  I really don’t have guy friends, let alone one I can completely open up to.  We are friends with potential for so much more.  We talk for hours about anything, everything, we laugh and already we are saying things at the exact same time.  There’s major chemistry, but also there’s about two hours of driving distance between us as well.  We’ve both been hurt and strung along in past relationships, but him and I know there’s something here worth investing more time into.  I don’t want to ruin what we already have by doing anything that we aren’t the same page about.  We are just taking it slow I guess, no need rushing into something when we already have a good thing.  Although we almost kissed.  I wanted a kiss but didn’t go for it.  I was hoping he would but he didn’t.  So when that moment comes to say our good byes, he read me like a book.  He could see how much I wanted to kiss him and basically admitted it too.  He literally contemplated and analyzed the hell out of “this kiss” and what it would mean, what happens afterwards (emotionally and physically), saying that it’s not that he doesn’t want to, but it’s something we will save for later.  He also said we can take turns driving out to see each other which sounds ideal.  So it ended with a great big warm long hug, which was still very nice.  Although I must confess, I miss him already.

Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress.com. Well I guess this starts my chapter and everything that goes along with it-the good, the bad, the ugly, the moments when we all wish we had hind sight to predict the future and where it’s heading so we have control over the situation.  It would all be too easy if we had control of our own lives and the only thing we really can do is be hopeful, have faith, and try to keep in mind of all the good we possess within us and around us, rather than dwell in the obvious “could have done without that” type of moments.  I can definitely say I’m interesting and have a lot of entertaining moments. My thoughts seem to be never ending; most times.  I’m sure I’ll have much to share with you, so stay tuned.